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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Psychology of Mediocrity (A Page From My Journal)

I resist practicing because it makes me feel incompetent. And then I feel incompetent because I haven't practiced. Pretty stupid. At least if I'm incompetent, I'll prove myself right. I won't ever have to mourn a dream squandered by bad luck or circumstances out of my control. I'll be in control of my failure because I was the one who wasn't good enough, and I can blame myself. God, how idiotic.

Self, I know you're trying to protect me, but I don't want to be protected. I want to be great. I want to live my dreams, not just mourn them. Thanks for the effort! But we don't need that anymore. We're strong enough to handle putting ourselves out there, experiencing possible disappointment and all that jazz. We are grown up enough.

I know how much previous failures/insults/disappointments hurt, and I appreciate that you're trying to protect me from that, but I say no thanks. I can handle it. I can handle the uncertainty, and in fact I choose it. I choose to live dangerously, not knowing the outcome because I can only control myself, and I choose to be great