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Sunday, November 21, 2010


I've been trying to write more journals in the morning. If I write too late in the day, I censor myself and get preachy. ("You should stop eating chocolate and practice instead of having friends! RAWR!") The writing comes out mostly stream-of-consciousness. Here's one from a few days ago (that I edited a bit as to not seem to scatterbrained).

Maybe it's not my place to be involved in politics, business, changing the world that way. Maybe my creative mind needs room to BREATHE. Do my attempts to stay well-informed take too much brainpower? Am I wasting energy when I get angry over things I can't change, like fundamentalists and DADT? Do I think I'll be a better, more respectable person if I dabble in politics at the expense of my music?

I'll bet I am more emotionally involved in politics than the average Poli Sci major. The news frightens and angers me now that I realize my direct stake in it. But I am not an activist. Paying attention to the missteps of Congress outside of my brief time of power during election season is just going to make me frustrated.

I think I need to take better care of myself and stop trying to worry about everything and everyone. The usual advice is to be more selfless and to think more about others, but I honestly think I have the opposite problem. I try to make the world too big to fit inside my head and then my own thoughts get claustrophobic. I can't take care of myself when I worry about idiot politicians I can't influence while living in a decidedly Blue State.

I'm going to stop listening to podcasts on politics, stop reading the newspaper, stop watching news to numb my brain. I am going on a politics cleanse. I am a non-news-atarian. I live inside my own life.

When huge things happen, I'll hear about them. When the government deems me worthy of equal rights, I'll be told.

I hope that every good night's sleep after a politics-free day will peel off a layer of Struggle that's currently coating my heart.

I hope that I will soon stop feeling like I have to be an example for people who aren't watching.